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Was down a little yesterday .. Ma had a minor accident as a pillion rider. Says shes fine now :) Feeling much better :D

For Jaya :)

I saw you then
In shades of blue
You looked away and into his eyes
It hurt a little and the voice within died inside

I smoked a puff and watched the sky
Light up like a candelabra
And I was glad but for a moment
For you kept mum as days went by

I blame my life in wretched vain
Was I so sad, so dull
That when you were gone, you mouthed a word
But all was seen and heard was naught
And I was glad again

But now I knew I was a foe
A nascent one
And the epitome of altruistic deeds had pitied me
My foe had pitied me, had lent a hand

So you won't have your happiness
And you won't be as kind no more
And I'll keep the distance large
And I'll be set free again

For your eyes only :)

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GRE preparations Day 1 Attempt 2

Alleged Alliteration
While most men thrive on the adulation of others, there are a few who take it as a vice. Rather nothing pleases them more than the advent of a critic or an adventitious adversary. Such are the people who flourish in adverse situations and it is indeed the adversity that takes out the best in them. The adage "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" adverts the same. Partially because an aegis to their own advocacy keeps them from being blinded by pride. While the idea is aesthetic, such folks are hardly ever affable and posses affected mannerisms lacking affinity for the normal human.

Those souls are truly unfortunate however, who are affixed to the former kind, constantly afflicted if their actions would be taken as a personal affront. In their own resolve, they hence begin to aggrandize attempts to help the subject with everything they can. More than their own success, they remain agog of their subject's endeavours, while assisting in the same with great alacrity. Such is the alchemy of desire, for in some alcove of their hearts, they allay their own fears of their host alienating them by these meandering usefulness. Such allegiances are however, hardly meaningful for the subject.

The matter slightly alludes to me and my subject. I have however, not been honest as my subject is altruistic. I blame this on my ambivalent feelings. Moreover, a lot of these words wouldn't be accounted for if I were to be accurate. After all, the purpose of these rants is to prepare for the GRE at an amble pace. I hope to ameliorate the next passage in its truthfulness.

Words I couldn't accommodate

Aerie: Nest of a large bird
Agape: Open mouthed, e.x. standing agape at a sight
Affluence: abundance, wealth
Agglomeration: collection, heap
Allegory: fable
Alimentary: supplying nourishment, ex: digestion occurs in alimentary canal
Amenable: readily managed or willing to be led, answerable legally

GRE preparations Day 1 Attempt 1

Luckily, my last endeavour at human bonding has given me a totally new outlook to GRE preparations. I have decided to mince my words all around her, which has luckily helped me a lot more than rap. Hopefully, such story reading format will also help any other aspirants who come along here looking for any help. Most of the penning down will also seem pretty childish but that's the best I can come up with in such state :) Also it has dawned upon me that a of *ahem* unexpected people read through this, I have tried to keep the information as cryptic as possible :P

Abridged Conversation ;)
While admonished by Y not to ask her out, my adjuration for closure kept my decision unchanged. The abject conversation with X led me to numerous aberrant conclusions. I asked her not to abase herself when she was abashed by my open admiration of hers.

Though I am not abdicating my love of her, I have decided that the proposal should stay in abeyance till matters abate. I hope that during this period of abnegation, she wont abhor me anymore while knowing her better will abet me further. Unfortunately it seems that her escape strategy is to abjure our friendship and abominate my attempts to save it all the same. While my taste in women has been marked abominable, it is still an aboriginal act in CMI.

Sadly, my heart aches at our abscission and years me to abscond at the sight of her. I really hope she can absolve my sudden proposal as my acuity in such matters is failing me.

Her diet seems abstemious as if her hunger was an abstract concept. I certainly hope that my abstruse insight to her psyche will remain unchallenged, unless I have been abysmally ignorant. At least, Z accedes with my actions, who has been my only confidante of any use. I plan to accost her today accoutered w/ ADSE and hopefully she shall respond w/o acerbity.

I have been an acidulous child and acknowledge that 2003 was the acme for such behaviour. But A shall acquiesce that I am no longer acrimonious and hence have grown overly optimistic. This is probably what actuates me to keep trying, or as an old adage says " Try and try and you will succeed".

Here are a few words I couldn't fit anywhere.

Abrogate: Abolish
Abut: border upon or adjoin
Acclivity: Sharp up slope of hill
Acclimate: Adjust to climate
Accretion: grown/increase
Accrue: come about by addition, ex: interest is accrued to the principal loan
Acrid: Sharp, Pungent
Acrophobia: Fear of heights
Adjunct: Insignificant add-on, ex: Laptop is an adjunct to the desktop.
Actuarial: Calculating, Pertaining to statistics

Ladder Theories

Being on the other end of a rejection sucks. Whats worse is how it hits you how blunt and carefully tread answers seem far worse than the flat out truth. Its much easier to give up when you know the things with such and such didn't work out was because you were ugly or fat or short or smoker or drinker or stupid (which in my case should be all of the above :P). Atleast, those hit you hard to give up or to work on the key lows if you can help it.

Vague statements such as "I don't think of you that way" or "I like you as a friends" make no sense at all. Thinking back, I realize now how being considerate was also being equally stupid. Honestly, I don't see why you would reject a friend as a more unless there was someone else you liked, or you weren't straight or maybe you just didn't like the concept of going out enough to actually try it but yet not hate it enough to mind others trying it ( all of which would indeed be better answers). What might stop you however would be the fact that in some corner of your heart, you did feel the person standing in front of you lacking in the qualities you admire or flaunting the ones you detest.

Thinking back now in the past, it was indeed that she had been too dumb or too unattractive for my own tastes that I let her down. I wonder now if my answers had been the right one, or did I do more damage than I thought I would. Maybe this new found profoundness is because I am low on nicotine or due to her answer, I know not. But did you feel the same way.

I love Preyas

Heh, best advice as yet :) Remember that anyone who rejects you is not worth your attention. I already feel happy.

Bouldevard of broken dreams

Well, I crossed the line, got turned down and now am a dead man.

Little boxes

The after effects of my first joint :
Dizzyness - or something like it.. basically the world seems to rotate
Lightness - a pulsating feeling in your thighs calves arms the back which gives the sensation of a massage =)
Delayed response time - With most things, the response time is hugely delayed
Euphorism - exactly what it says :)

I couldnt note further as I grew tremendously drowsy :P Ah also there's a burning sensation in the throat which feels like well vomit. It was the best night sleep I had in a long time.

Cigarattes

There's a thin line between friendship and love, the hurdle being the fact that once you cross over you can never come back. T_T